light at the end of the tunnel

hello readers! I'm alive, I swear! graduation has proved to be a way bigger project than I had expected. Since last thursday I have yet to hit the sack before 4 a.m. But I'm on a roll, and I'm glad I got into work mode early on, despite that it has been wonderful outside lately. Last night was the last of my letterpressing for my business cards. I HATE REGISTRATION. That is what I learned. I was pretty happy with the outcome. For my first time printing with custom plates and size 7 type I was super excited about how they came out, though if I had to do it all over again I would definitely make some changes. Jarred was in the lab with me pressing his plates, too. I got to teach him how to use the press, and by the end he was makin cards like nobody's business. I think I like teaching more than I thought.

Also, I am now the proud owner of kimkoelling.com! It's nothing special right now, but my whole summer project is to be able to create an awesome website just coding html and css into my text edit. websites from scratch. I'm hoping for the best.

I just finished making my grad announcements, putting them in envelopes and realizing I don't have any addresses. my head hurts. my body hates me right now..

crunch time

sleep is for losers. embroidery is for grandmas. but i like both anyway

next stop

want

Lately I've been wanting to roller skate around campus. I was always too competitive for skates. And JNCOs fit perfectly over my rollerblades at Skatetown. Shannon and I want to roller skate at work. I hope all these dreams come true.

warm weather

dfw

The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day. That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing.

---

My roommate and I had a really good talk tonight about rusty subjects. An old baptist preacher who kept me from blinking. Teenagers with so much power they were never away of. I'm so glad high school is over, but is it? I used to do things for different reasons—for God because of friends, for friends because of God. Every thought in my brain these days is about my future. My insecurities and intimidations with the real world. i like where dfw writes that the opposite of freedom is that feeling "of having had, and lost some infinite thing". In the vaguest way that's exactly how I feel. Because I'm not even sure what I lost. I just know I don't have it anymore.

I wish I could be a better friend. For the people I love I will always be there for you. But its a two way street, and the wall I built got too big somewhere along the road. I've been listening to a lot of Neko Case since it got warmer.

Baby, why'm I worried now,
Did someone make a fool of me
'Fore I could show 'em how it's done?
Can't give up actin' tough,
It's all that I'm made of.
Can't scrape together quite enough
To ride the bus to the outskirts
Of the fact that I need love.